THE TALK
by kakashishot
Summary: When Jason overhears a question from a little girl he can't help but wonder the answer to his question. To bad everyone's favorite dream demon is blacked mailed into answering his question. OK people this is a crack-fic so don't take this to seriously. It's just meant to make you laugh. Oh and read at your own risk later n.n


_**The Talk**_

 **This is supposed to be a Crack-Fic intended for humor don't take this too seriously. It's just an idea I got at work or was it when I was at home. Eh have fun enjoy the story and please don't flame it. IF I do get flames ill erase them or scare Freddy away .Please don't sue I'm dirt poor. Oh yeah these characters don't belong to me they belong to their respective owner. I don't own Freddy Krueger or Jason Voorhees. Mr. Wes Craven and Sean S Cunningham and other people who made these Characters. The health things I wrote about were from this website I'm no Doctor or Nurse or anything. Well that about covers it Oh yeah Hannibal Lector isn't mine either. Ok now let's begin.**

It was a normal afternoon like any other afternoon. Jason Voorhees was out on his walk he was making sure no trespassers came on his property. As he was walking along he heard some commotion. The first thing he did was grab his machete. After his hands tighten around the machete Jason went to investigate the sound. Once there he saw a family a mom in her mid thirty's. Blond hair with bright blue eyes she had a slender form. She was wearing blue jeans with a pink tank top. The dad on the other hand had a black buzz top hair cut; he looked like he was out of the marines. With a tan kakis shorts and a white T-shirt The last person to come out was a child no older than five years old she had her father's black hair with the brightest blue eyes Jason had ever seen.

Jason was stuck he had he expected loud obnoxious teenagers not a family. The only thing he could do was keep an eye on them. If they over stayed there welcome then he would kill them. As the afternoon pass he watched the family swim, take a nature walk, play games and collect fire woods. Soon it was time for the child to go to bed. When she was in her PJs and ready for bed the child wanted a story. "Ok what stories do you want "ask the mom. "Um momma I have a question?" "Ok honey what's the question" "WHERE DO BABIES COME FROM?" That was one question no parents ever wanted to answer. Upon hearing that question both parents went bright red as tomatoes. Even Jason was a little shocked but the question did intrigue him. Where did they come from? The girl asked again it seemed that both parents came out with the same answer. "When you're older well tell you" Both Jason and the girl were upset by the answer. The girl went to bed without her story and Jason went to his cabin to lie down. Upon laying his head down Jason went into a deep slumber.

Once sleep claimed him he was visited by a friend not really a friend more of a dream demon. "Hey hockey puck I want a rematch" Jason tilted his head and made a writing motion. Freddy snapped his fingers and a chalkboard with chalk appeared. "Not now pizza face." He wrote down. "What crawled up your ass and died?" Jason gave him a glare then wrote "Nothing asshole just a question some brat asked and for some damn reason I can't think of anything else." "Well I don't care puck I want a rematch." Freddy glared. "Ok how about this you answer my question and I'll give you a rematch deal." "What makes you think I'll even agree?" Freddy smirked .Jason smiled under his mask then wrote "Well "I'd hate for these pictures to find their way to the next horror con." "What pictures?" Freddy asked becoming confused. "Oh the one where you're wearing a Justin Bieber T-shirt and Jumping up and down like a crazy fan girl." Freddy paled then said "U wouldn't" Jason had a gleam in his eye as if saying try me. Trying to do a sneak attack Freddy threw a fast punch sadly Voorhees anticipated and grabbed his arm. With fast reflexes Jason kicked Freddy legs from under him and pinned both Freddy arms behind his back. "Get off me fuck face" A grunt was heard. "Fine I'll answer your Fucken question. Getting off Freddy, Jason beamed with pride and went to collect his things. Getting them he wrote "Where do babies come from?" Freddy first reaction was shock, and then he looked at Jason. "You serious" Jason just nodded his head. A sly grin grew on Freddy razor sharp teeth. "Well momma's boy remember how you kill those teenagers when there at it?" Jason growled under his then nodded "Well that's the first step" Jason's eye grew wide at the news. "Wait first steps, exactly how many steps are there?" "For the prick to develop it takes 9 months." "Were does it develop" he wrote nervously. Freddy's grin only grew bigger.

First off retard we men have something call semen imagine little fishes "Wait there's more than one?"Yes now don't interrupt." They swim through our dicks then goes to the girl's virginal opening and planting itself in the egg. "Eggs like chicken" "Yeah let's go with that" "Do they all go inside the egg?" "What does?" "The fishes." "No there is only one victor." "Now STOP INTER-FUCKING –RUPTING." Freddy took a deep breath then started again. "Once one of the fishes is inside the egg it moves to the uterus." "What's a uterus?" Jason wrote. With a snap of Freddy's fingers a pictured appeared. Jason's eye bulged then wrote "What does this have to do where it develops?" "I'm getting there dipshit" "Now as I was saying it grows in the uterus" "It fits their?" Jason asked confused "AAAAAAAAAAAA SHUT UP" Freddy was seething with anger but then he thought of the black mail that Jason had on him. Glaring Freddy snapped his fingers again this time three pictures were in front of Jason. The first one was of a fish thing with a tail. The second showed the same fish but no longer had a tail and you could make out the legs and arms. The last picture was of a skinny baby with a bag over it. "Ok turd these pictures are what the brat would look like in the first three months". Jason seemed ready to ask another question but Freddy went to explain the pictures. "The first picture is the kid forming his eyes, mouth, and throat. "The brat isn't very big instead he's this big." Looking about he saw a small pebble and showed it to Jason. Dropping the first picture Freddy went to pick up the second picture then explained it. "On this one ears, toes, fingers, along with the brain and other things human need to stand and survive start to form." Repeating the pattern Freddy showed him the last picture. "Congratulations fingers, arms, hands toes, can open and close. Teeth are forming and so is the organ system." He sneered sarcastically.

Jason meanwhile was off day dreaming of all the kills he'd done those past months not even listening to a word Freddy had said. In his dream he was getting closer to killing off the counselor that butchered his mom's head off. "Jason my good boy my sweet special boy" Jason, Jason "JASON ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING" shouted Freddy. With a quick nod Freddy continued his teachings. Like before three pictures come out of nowhere. They were the same as the others ones but the child in them looked bigger. "This" Freddy pointed "Is the second trimester meaning 4-6 months which I'll explain. "On your fourth month everything from the face should be there as well as hair. If your one of those preppy parents you can find out the sex." Jason tilted his head wondering about the word sex. As if reading his mind Freddy was able to answer the unasked question "I mean its gender dump ass" Not letting Jason respond the second picture came into view. "Starting on the five month the prick starts to move because muscles are forming." "Doesn't it hurt when they move" asks Jason "Probably" he said with no care in the world. "Now with six month it can open its eyes, move inside the stomach and it hear certain sounds." While Freddy was talking Jason took this opportunity to write. "How does it know what sound to move to?" "I don't Fucken know their ears are develop it hears sound" Well that made sense when you thought about it. "Are we almost done yet" he wrote "No just three more months than its born" Rolling his eyes Jason knew what was coming next. "Hey don't give me those eyes you over grown goalie you're the one that asked the question" Slumping his shoulders Jason waited for him to continue. "Seven months the prick moves around and has fat to be warm. 8th let's just say that its lung are small. The last month everything should be developing and working. It should be in a certain position to pop out." At this Freddy stopped his lesson. "Now how does it come out from being inside the bitch" A few minutes of silenced passed by waiting for Freddy to answer, but he didn't instead a video of the birthing process was in front of Jason. A mad cackle was heard in the background. Jason saw the process. At first he was blushing then he became mad. Grabbing his machete Jason tried to stab the video but it didn't work. With Jason so engrossed on his kill Freddy went to look for the photo. The photo was found, going back to the dream world Freddy Stabbed Jason in both eyes. At the intense pain Jason awoke bleeding and mad. Standing up he went to check for the blackmail he wasn't surprise to see it gone. The good news was that he made copies. Walking to see if the family was still there he thought "Next time 'I'll ask Hannibal Lector on random questions"

 _Fin_


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